Am I Cougar? Oh Honey – I’m a Barracuda!

The sound of big block hemi is a guy mating call – trust me.

by Hot Rod Kitten Lisa (reviewing cars from days gone by)

Okay – disclosure first.  This is the ’67 Barracuda (with a ’68 grille) that is lovingly cared for by Dave Monroe (aka Handsome Man).  I polish this sleek little ride on a regular basis; and while Dave is a darling boyfriend and has offered to let me drive it, I have coyly declined.  Not for the reasons you might think – I’m not afraid of this car at all, I’m afraid of who I’ll turn into behind the wheel.  I’m a kitten with a need for speed (and an invitation to traffic school thanks to that hankering – d’oh!) so I’ll wait until we get to a drag strip and everything is legal before I make this fish swim.

A Lady Never Tells Her Age

Everyone’s talking about cougars these days – and not the ones produced by Mercury back in the late 60s; we’re the ones “produced” in the early 60s and just slightly before.  Well ladies, I’m here to tell you that while guys may use puppies to meet chicks at the park, a big block hemi will draw the male of the species to you like moths to a flame!

We take the ‘Cuda out to car shows, cruise ins and round ups on a regular basis these days.  The moment any man hears that engine rev, they’re mesmerized…slowly drawn to that big block roar.  When we first introduced the mean machine to the masses, guys came up all the time and asked, “Is this yours?”  Seriously, look at this big bad fish!  A kitten has to keep her paws out of reach at all times lest they get bitten off.  And speaking of paws, I had to write the details of this car on my hand for the first couple of car shows until I got the pitter-pat down just right – “It’s a 472 big block hemi with Hilborn stacks and EFI -- that was one of the first engineered by Kinsler – yep, it’s got 16 valves.”

Other important answers are, “It gets about 8 to the gallon,” and, “Yes, we drive it!  It’s not a trailer queen but on the long trips it’s smarter to trailer it than just go from offramp to offramp with that kind of gas mileage.”  A girl’s got to be ready with a witty little quip…and a hanky when the guys start to salivate.

Is That a Hemi?

So here’s a little cheat sheet about all this hemi hype.  A “hemi” has a hemispherical combustion chamber.  It’s bowl shaped so it lets two valves sit at a slight angle rather than side-by-side.  This positioning gives the engine better air flow and higher power output.  If you really want to hook a guy, ask him to explain the unusually complex rocker arm geometry to you.  If he likes cars and you bat your baby blues just a bit, he’ll melt like buttah!

Pretty much all cars have a form of Hemi in them, but Chrysler guys hold the Hemi name in special regard.  The first Hemi was introduced in Chrysler’s 1951 V8 and really set the pace in the 409 and 426 of the 1964 Plymouth Belvedere on the NASCAR stock car circuit.  In 1965 they released the “street Hemi” and this is what guys mean when they ask “Is that a ‘real’ Hemi?” because after the 70s the Hemi’s weren’t really hemispherical anymore – they’re more flat and complex these days. (Hey I resemble that statement!)

It Was The Shine That Caught Your Eye, Right?
So this Barracuda isn’t really the usual version you’d see in a book and it’s a bit more special because of its history.  For years, this car made a name for itself on the Florida drag strips when it was driven by Vic Kuhn III (we call him Uncle Sonny.)  Handsome Man was just a boy, but Uncle Sonny lived just up the street and he had his eye on that ‘Cuda Uncle Sonny raced. 

Now Handsome Man comes by his hot rod pedigree honestly.  His daddy was Ed Monroe who raced against Big Daddy Don Garlits back in the day and who built the Automotive Engineering empire so that other guys could outfit their hot rods with high performance gear and gadgets.  Handsome Man and his daddy spent 10 years rebuilding this Barracuda from the ground up after Uncle Sonny finally let her retire from the drag strip.

The Barracuda was introduced by Plymouth in 1964 and was based on their Valiant chassis to save retooling costs on the manufacturing line.  Originally exec’s wanted to call the new car a “Panda” (wtf???) but they settled on Barracuda, thank goodness. The ‘cuda is what’s called an A-body (Chrysler’s smaller body cars with rear wheel drive built on what they called their A Platform.)  By 1967, the Barracuda underwent a major redesign and the distinctive wrap-around rear window was seen in a coupe, notchback and fastback version.  By 1970, the lines of the Valiant were completely gone and the new E-series body was the backbone of the big fish.

It’s right about there that the similarity with our Barracuda ends.  A 67 ‘cuda with a Hemi?  “That’s sick!!”  Truthfully, those stacks evoke streams of drool from every guy who sees ‘em.  Whenever we start the car, it's like a guy mating call.  Seriously -- guys in a two block radius stop, turn, and "follow the light" so to speak.  This past Thanksgiving, we took it to the Turkey Rod Run at Daytona and as we drove the track to our parking space, guys literally stood up and walked to the curb with their hands on their hearts -- they stood there in reverence and awe.  As the cougar kitten in the passenger seat, this all totally cracks me up!

When people come trance-like toward the car, I joke with them that it must be the shine that attracted them. Those eight silver stacks sticking out of the hood couldn't have anything to do with it! And when we stop to eat (of course we get a window seat so we can see the car), invariably I look out to see some guy on his back under the backend of the car -- I come out and say to him, "If you get any further up that tail pipe, we're gonna need some flowers, cocktails, and be on a first name basis my friend."  The sheepish looks are priceless!  They totally forget themselves and are completely embarrassed when they're caught.

How Fast Does That Baby Go?

To be honest, we have no idea!  And the mystery of the Barracuda is somehow that much more beguiling because we don’t know.  My stock answer is “Fast enough to get me into a lot of trouble,” with a little wink. It makes the young boys blush and the older ones get flustered and tongue-tied.  Prrrrr.

If you’re looking for a man, try becoming a ‘cuda Cougar or strike up a chat about a “real hemi” with the cute boy looking under your hood.  If pickins are slim in your neck of the woods, come on down and take a spin around the block with Handsome Man – you’ll have five dates by the time you make it once around.  And remember, you can always have a cheat sheet of questions on your palm if you go out to a car show or cruise in!  Email me if you need help J

The Female Factor:  Any kitten can have a lion’s roar with this big fish to play with.

Photos taken by David Monroe www.damimagist.com. Tshirts with the ‘cuda night shot are available from Quaker Steak and Lube, Clearwater (727) 572-9464.

Car Info: 1967 Barracuda (with a ’68 grille) formerly owned by Vic (Sonny) Kuhn, restored by Ed Monroe and David Monroe.